Creating the ideal marriage

1. Make sure the bride is a virgin:

“I’ve ordered an enquiry,” Neeraj Dubey, Shahdol district collector told HT. But his sympathies were clear. “The test was a precautionary measure,” he added. “Last year one of the brides delivered a baby even as the marriage ceremony was on. Since there is money involved, many women, try to take advantage.”

(The story claims that this scheme marries off women who are divorced or widowed as well. I’m not sure if they too are required to be virgins).

2. Marry a heterosexual to prevent low self-esteem:

Imagine your daughter is getting married to a nice young man who has homosexual feelings. Until a few weeks ago, he never told the world about it for fear of being branded a criminal.
Now, no thanks to the Baba, he feels he is mad. He does not think so. He does not feel so. But he is afraid to tell the world the truth of his desires. So he has firmly entrenched himself in the closet.
He will tell no one, certainly not his mother, or father, or brother, that he has had sex with men. Not one or two, but dozens, secretly, silently, furtive experiences, with men who like him are afraid to disclose their preferences in public lest they be labelled criminals or diseased.
He will marry your daughter. And your daughter will wonder why, in the privacy of the bedroom, this nice man shuns any attempt to be being intimate. Is she the problem? Her self worth will suffer. The marriage will suffer. Children will be conceived in loveless unions. The man will find it difficult to be faithful and seek comfort elsewhere. And your daughter will wonder what is wrong.

3. Watch T.V.

…people will watch TV till late at night and then fall asleep. They won’t get a chance to produce children,” Mr Azad said. “When there is no electricity there is nothing else to do but produce babies.”

6 Comments to “Creating the ideal marriage”

  1. The first story is even more bizarre considering that the prospective spouses seem to find each other with no help from the authorities – why is it interfering at all then?

    The third story: does the presence of electricity preclude the availability of contraceptives, too? "Produce babies", indeed!

  2. see? this is the reason I keep coming back to your blog! excellent! :D

  3. Unmana – Agreed. I notice from this story that while this woman was having her baby the Groom and his family seemed unconcerned. I guess if they're not moral enough to care that the woman's a virgin, the government will do it for them!

    Households where contraceptives are used shall be found and the power will be cut off. Obviously.

    Vedang – This is the reason I keep coming back to the newspapers! Still, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

  4. Where do you find such bizarre stories?

  5. Madhat – The first was on the front page of the Hindustan Times a few days ago. The third has been mocked continuously by various people for a few days too. And the second was linked to by a friend on Twitter. It's worrying that I don't actually have to look for weird stories.

  6. Things that are in the newspapers, and things that people in power say and do are such constant sources of amusement (and amazement/outrage). :)

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