The Difficult Lives of Corporate Spouses

As the flatmate and I partook of late night biscuits, we discussed the (undoubtedly competitive) chocolate biscuit industry and its advertising. A certain biscuit company has an advertisement supposedly set in Italy in which a sadly unintelligent baker’s boy (named, inexplicably, after an Italian city) is taught how to bake cookies by a young woman who comes to him late at night and proceeds to initiate him into the ways of adulthood.

What worried us at first was that the woman seems to give away the recipe in the process. Surely that is a bad idea, we fretted. Neither of us has any experience with running a business, but we’re both sure that giving out a secret as vital as your biscuit recipe to all and sundry is a pretty basic mistake.

Till we realized that this was not the entire recipe. Flour, butter and chocolate in unspecified quantities do not a good biscuit make. Obviously between the adding of the chocolate and the baking some secret ingredient had been added that was supposed to raise these biscuits above all others. In the context of the advert, this can only have been what are scientifically known as sex juices.

Which led, unavoidably, to the question of where they were getting this steady supply of said juices that allowed them to continue making these biscuits. We can only assume that company employees are given those little plastic sample collection cups to take home with them.

For biscuits, no sacrifice is too great.

11 Comments to “The Difficult Lives of Corporate Spouses”

  1. Here is the ad in question: Milaaaano!

    Proving once again that devious minds think alike, the presence of ‘secret ingredients’ was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw this ad for the first time.

    Believe me, Parle in Mumbai (the area in which the biscuit company’s factory is, and from which they got their name) is hardly a rustic Italian village filled with well-manicured Hrithik Roshan types, though the area surrounding the factory does smell like Parle-G glucose biscuits.

    I’d love to support your theory of collection cups, but given the generally mundane nature of modern Indian sex live, this would mean that the production of Parle Milano is only feasible once every other week on a Sunday morning.

    Rigorous accounting of stocks and output levels of this biscuit must be done immediately, findings to be published in a joint report by the I&B, Food and Drug and National Population Control government machinery. Desh ka sawaal hai!

    V

    PS Congratulate me! Such a long comment, and not a single ‘bun in the oven’ joke!

    PPS Not even an ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter!’ one!

  2. why are you only providing partial feeds now? you using adsense or something and trying to make money out of more hits to your site?

    ah, these kapitalists…

  3. I completely agree with vishal , the production of buscuits would have to be made a weekly or fornightly affair…it it’s secret receipe was in those ‘cups’….

    ….it’s hight time the food adulteration deptt. takes this seriously :P

  4. this conspiracy is bigger than you think friend..
    Parle is conniving with the government in an effort to cut down the population growth rate… Various other companies ar also part of this, goodyear tyres for example!

  5. Vishal – I mentioned no names. *grin*. Also, I’m horrified at your opinion of the sex lives of Indians. Typical NRI snobbery and ignorance.

    Wimp – what do you expect from someone who enters into relationships with libertarians?

    But no, I don’t use adsense and I’m not making money. Just wanted to see how many people complained.

    Rahul – So you too are indulging in anti-Indian rhetoric. Also, food “adulteration”? What a restrictive view of sex you have.

    Vedang – I’m trying to see how Goodyear could possibly be involved and all I can think of are a series of bad “rubber” jokes.

  6. Until the battle of Plassey, we were content enough with hot samosas and kachoris. The trouble really started when the British invaded, armed with their cream crackers and their chocolate digestives.

    Re the sex juices, what did you expect with these occidental people having sex and making biscuits all day long (in all probability, at the same time, even)? There was bound to be some degree of procedural cross-pollination. Eventually, some Archimedes of Arrowroot had to discover how sex juices are a cheap substitute for yeast. And India, eager to remain competitive, decided as one person, to have large amounts of sex and, as a result, make biscuits of comparable quality. Unfortunately, because of our water problem, we seem to secrete juices only suitable for glucose biscuits and rusks…Ah, well.

    -Jabberjee

  7. But your assumption that the lady in question is a competing baker is unjustified. There is nothing to suggest this. A more likely explanation is that she is in fact Divine Inspiration.

    We know from the story of Zeus and Ganymede that gods frequently ravish young men. While this is traditionally done as a swan, there is no reason that they cannot assume the form of ravishing young women.

    The creation of any great work (be it a cookie, or a piece of music, or a book) counts upon Divine Inspiration. The connection with the Divine is so powerful and intense, that the unenlightened can only comprehend it by comparing it to sexual ecstasy. When asked to explain their work, great creators will often cite a beautiful woman as inspiration.

    Thus, one wonders at the details Chetan Bhagat left out in the last chapter of One Night @ The Call Centre when talking about the girl in the train.

  8. I’m bothered by this idea of a young woman conferring adulthood on a young man. It all sounds like wendying to me.

  9. Aishwarya; Yeah, because we filthy NRIs are just swimming in it, aren’t we?

    First we leave the motherland (cue A.R. Rahman music), then we don’t pay our taxes, then we come home, take your finest women with the lure of a Green Card, complain about the heat and the infrastructure, fund our pet independent nation of choice’s ‘freedom fighters’, and meanwhile we all have a bit of a blonde (and it has to be a blonde) on the side.

    …Okay, I admit it: it’s all true. :-)

    V

    PS Actually we’d like you to be having more sex, and more babies. More cheap labour for the call-centre economy!

  10. Jabberjee – that’s right, blame it on the British. But they did give us the railways!
    (Also, rusks are excellent. With peanut butter. Or soup. Or, possibly, peanut butter and soup)

    Y.Y.P – Where have I suggested that she is a competing baker? I merely worried that competing bakers might be eagerly watching the ad and taking notes.
    Are you saying that these are divine biscuits and not biscuits-of-sex? Or that they are divine-biscuits-of-sex?

    Thene – I’d never heard of that term before. How apt!

    Vishal – …don’t you need to be in the IT industry to obtain your bit of blonde?

  11. I have met you once, though I doubt you would remember.

    I was directed here today by Gayo darling, in response to my opening a new LJ account on her suggestion.

    I am commenting to say this:

    I love you already.

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